Sunday, May 17, 2009

The World Is Just This Place Where We Live

A mere collection of thoughts for the weekend.

Here I am, in New Jersey, probably one of the last places I thought I'd ever live. Here I am, working my dream job, "dream job Plus", if you will, considering I'm doing what I love to do and working on a project so meaningful to me and others who grew up with Sesame Street for the last 40 years. Here I am, a married woman, lucky to have found her soul's complement, and while we're apart I am scared to death of anything happening to him while I'm away. I'm so protective, and yet I have a freer spirit somewhere. I know that change is in the wind and I can feel us getting closer to something.

We will miss it, in Chicago. We will miss our beautiful apartment I worked so hard to find, and he worked so hard to afford and maintain while I've been away. We will miss what could have been our first home, and what a fortunate one. We will miss the east windows and the fireplace we never got to use, the master bedroom we never got to move into. We will miss a handful of local ethnic restaurants where we've gotten to know the owners and become like friends. We will miss living so near to our families who mean so very much to us.

We look forward to moving toward a new, true, married lifestyle. We don't know where it will take us, but we are so blessed to know it is there. We may finally be extracted fully from the midwest, to one coast or another, where we both can find suitable work for ourselves. We have our passions to follow, and we have our passion for each other. We're ready for the new chapter, to turn the page and find ourselves happily in each other's arms, while proudly working in professions we've worked hard for our whole lives. We're proud of the many shades of discipline we've exemplified in our relationship, and we know it will carry us through time. We are so very fortunate to have seen so much of the world, and to have lived in some very special places, and we look forward to the next place which we will make special for ourselves and hopefully for others. We are preparing.

I've had quite a weekend, and yet, simple peace and quiet, nothing much to write about. Meandering observations, this time. Infinite thought and potential from such a finite mass of biological wonder. So many books, so many theories, so many walks of life. Such range of emotion, such depth of personality and mentality in the world. So vast and yet so tangible is this planet on which we live. I used to dream about flying. The rule was, I had to lie belly-side down on the sidewalk (much like the one right in front of my childhood home) and raise my head, arms, and feet above the pavement, and I would begin to hover, and lift, and rise above my neighborhood, and in a blink I was sailing through rainforests or careening high in the air amidst the tallest skyscrapers of an imagined city. But lately, sleep just brings me snapshots of the things I want most.. to be near to my husband again, and my family, and somehow still be as lucky to work on such a fantastic project as I am right now. What more could I possibly want, if all that was reality? Sometimes I let my emotions get to me, and I feel cheated out of the life we thought we might have at this point. But truly, I know I'm not cheated of anything. I'm chasing after heaven, fighting for perfection. Who knew I could be so selfish! And yet, what else would I do with my time?

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